Character Bios

Dese da main peeple I talk abot n mah diary. Reed dis an it gonna give u a betta undstanin of Shit.

Gaston Hebert (me)

Dats me. Da Cajun Juggalo Gaston Hebert. I live n trailer n Perry, Louisiana wit mah wife an kid. I steal shit frum mah neighbor, Mr. Gerard. I do all da drugs. I am Catholic, an I don’t know mah daddy. I tink it’s dis man named Ern Boudreaux. I became a Juggalo afta seein dat movie, “Duece Bigalow, Make Juggalo”. I still go 2 Blockbusta.


Dis mah lil cousin T-Russ. He has progeria, an lives n mah shed. He speak n “boops” an “beeps”, but I undastan him. He werks on a potato farm, an eats wit his hands.

Mr. Gerard

Dats Mr. Gerard. He is mah neighbor an sells shrimp on da side of da road. Most of his cums frum disability frum a bogus injury he got offshore so I don’t feel bad stealin frum him. He is afraid of mah Taunt Geraldine.

Taunt Geraldine

Dis mah Taunt Geraldine. She lives n da ditch, an fuks turtles among udda animals . She gotta crush on Mr. Gerard. Da tootie on her forehead is 4 deep sea fishing. She gives me gud advice weneva I’m arond a ditch.


Dats mah fat gross wife Priscilla. She’s frum Kaplan an drives da bus. She cooks gud, an eats babies. Sumtimes she sits n da mud. She knows wut 2 say 2 make me feel betta. She da best woman.


Dis mah 3rd son T-T-Claude. He’s a warlord frum da Philippines. He take care of himself. I don’t know wut happened 2 mah otha sons.