Toe Dependents

Deer Diary,

I put Juggalo makeup on mah toes so I culd claim dem as dependents. My plan wuz 2 git enuf money frum da government so I didnt have 2 rely so much on stealin Mr. Gerards Amazon packages. I also wanted 2 b able 2 use da HOV lane n mah pirogue wen I did mah weekly dumpin of beer cans n da river. An maybe if I used da HOV lane long enuf, sumbody wuld tell me why dem lettas stood 4.

Da only problem I had puttin on da juggalo makeup on mah toes, wuz I had 2 do it every day n case I got audited by Castillette Faucheaux da audit racoon. To cover mah bases I named all mah toes afta mah favorit popes, an told dem if dey didnt pray da rougarou wuz gonna pull dem. An sure enuf wenever Castillette payed me a visit I wuz gud 2 go. I wuz so convincin, Castillete even checked n da dumster 2 c if I wuz hidin any kids frum him. He fond 1, but I tink dat wuz a baby mah fat gross wife Priscilla left n da fridge 2 long dat went bad.

Tragedy struck mah toes tho. N da middle of da night I felt a pull, an woke up 2 c dat Pope Bobby Jindal II wuz gone. Da Rougarou had pulled him n da middle of night cuz Pope Bobby Jindal II had sed da Act of Contrishun wrong. Nsted of sayin “Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered an died 4 us.
In His name. Mah God have mercy”, he sed “B-O-O-S-I-E-B-A-D-A-Z-Z dats me!” Not only did dis sin make da Rougarou sacrifice him, da Rougarou wuld not leave until I wiped him down.

Pope Bobby Jindal II funeral wuz yestaday, an I still cant believe he gone. He left a big gap n mah life, an on mah left foot since he wuz mah middle toe. Pope Family Guy Dog XII stated n da eulogy dat it gonna b hard 2 stand wit out him, but it prolly 4 da best he gone since he wuz infected anyway. If da Rougarou wuznt gonna git him, da parmesen cheese unda his nail dat i bin sellin 2 Mr Ghatti’s Pizza wuz. It wuz a beautiful day even tho Mr. Gerard interrupted da burial 2 scream at us 4 diggin a hole n his flower bed. I hope he ordered a middle left toe on Amazon.