Cow Island Mardi Gras Parade

Deer Dairy,

Da 130th annual Cow Island Mardi Gras Parade happined dis weekend. Dis mah review of dat.

Dis yeers theme of da Cow Island Mardi Gras Parade wuz “Career highlights of Jake Delhomme” so every1 dat attended wuz incouraged 2 shave dere sideburns. If u showed 2 da parade wit sideburns, u were poked by da old man who drinks coffee at da gas station an scares children wit his smile.

B4 da parade started, Officer Duhon popped a wheely on his patrol tricycle. I gave dis a 10 cuz dats da highest numba I can count 2.

Afta da cop, da parade officially started.

Da furst float wuz a 2005 Chevy Silverado. Peeple n da bed of da truck were depictin da time Jake Delhomme drank da most beers at a bonfire n high school. I gave dis a 7 cuz while I thought da man pretended 2 a teenage Jake Delhomme wuz very drunk, I did tink da flame could have bin higher.

Afta dat it wuz time 4 da walkin krewe of peeple dat tell u secrets very loudly but git mad wen da peeple dat r right next 2 u eves drop. Dis yeer I lerned dat da lady at post office dyes her hair, an watched T-Russ git slapped wit a spatula 4 overhearing. I gave dis a 3 cuz T-Russ didn’t fall down.

Da next float wuz a 1995 Pontiac Sunfire. Da peeple on da roof of da Pontiac Sunfire were re-enactin da time Jake Delhomme had successful laser eye surgery. I gave dis a 4 cuz while da doctor wuz shinin da laser tag gun directly n2 da man’s eye, insurance did cover his visit.

Followin dat wuz da Cow Island Technical Academy 4 Da Stinky marching band. Dey played “Down wit da sickness” n honor of peeple dat drink da water n Cow Island. I gave dis a 9 cuz while dey did do da National anthem justice, I miss mah fren Bill.

Da float cumin rite behind dat wuz a tractor pullin a skateboard. Da peeple on da skateboard were depictin da time Jake Delhomme beat Steve Smith n da thumb wrestling contest. Dis is da most controversial moment of Jake Delhommes career cuz many peeple tink Jake only won dat thumb wrestling contest cuz he put Tony Chareres on his thumb. I gave dis a 2 cuz da man dey got 2 play Jake Delhomme had no thumbs.

Next wuz da walkin krewe of da bleeding Elvis’s. I gave dis a 10 cuz dey were losin a lot of blood an I felt bad 4 dem.

Da last float wuz rocking chair bein pulled by a turtle. Dis float re-enacted da time Former Ms. USA Ali Landry responded 2 a DM Jake Delhomme sent her on instagram wonderin where 2 find da best King Cake. I gave dis a 8 cuz while Ali Landry did give Jake a gud recommendation, Jake wuz not fully erect.

Afta da floats wuz da fire truck dat wuz tryin 2 git 2 da 2005 Chevy Silverado dat wuz on fire n da front of da parade.

Dis wuz a gud parade.

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